The Trauma Bond

And how to break it.

Sophia Bell On Medium
2 min readMar 9


Becca Tapert

It seems one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do in your life.

Breaking the trauma bond.

It completely puzzles many and leaves them in a state of despair.

What is this?

Why can’t I get over this?

I’ve never had this much trouble accepting a break-up.

It’s never hurt this much.

In order to understand what it is exactly that you’re dealing with, let’s first explain the trauma bond.

A trauma bond is created when a person is subjected to abuse, alternating with intermittent reinforcement.

Due to an over-exposure of mood-altering hormones in the person's brain, a chemical dependency forms.

The addiction area of the brain is affected and the person develops a chemical dependency on oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, cortisol and adrenaline.

A trauma bond is a literal addiction.

Just like a cocaine, or heroine addiction.

Your brain is damaged, like a drug users’ brain is.

It's longing for a fix.

Withdrawal is physically and mentally excruciating.

But, it's doable.

If it wasn't, there would’ve never been one person on this planet that managed to stop doing drugs.

As we all know, there are enough of them.

How did they do it?

Despite suffering, they refrained from giving in to their urges.

And they did that for a long enough time to stop longing for that fix.

And that's all there is to it.

If you find it extremely hard, get yourself a hobby.

Take your mind off of it.

If you think you're the only one hurting like this.

You're not.

Millions have gone before you and millions will still follow.

It's just a chemical dependency, fucking with you.

Put things in perspective, it makes it easier.

You're not heartbroken and distraught.

You're longing for a fix.

You're longing for the narcissist to be nice to you.

Like longing for heroine to be nice to you.

They're not. They're temporary fixes.

That eventually and inevitably lead to your destruction.