The Narcissist’s Push And Pull

Why do they do it?

Sophia Bell On Medium
2 min readMar 12



It’s like they hate you, but then they want you to stay.

Why, if the narcissist doesn’t want to lose you, do they keep pushing?

Or why, if they don’t want you, do they keep pulling?

It confuses many.

It’s also the main reason why many harbor the hope for change.

Despite suffering despicable treatment at the hands of their narcissist.

So why do they do it?

And what do they actually want?

What’s behind it:

Narcissists need to:

  • Degrade.
  • Belittle.
  • Hurt.
  • Deminish.
  • Invalidate.

That's to keep you small, so they can rise above you n feel like they're superior.

It's also to transfer their misery onto you. So they can feel good. Your function is to set an example of “things could be worse”.

Thirdly, it's to weaken you, a strong person would never put up with their crap.

But narcissists also need:

  • For you want them.
  • For you to despair over them.
  • For you to stay on the back burner.
  • For you to believe in their benevolence.
  • For you to carry the blame. Of everything.

And that's because they want to be supplied.

They want their mask to stay intact.

They don’t wanna be the bad guy, they will not be shamed over being mean.

Instead you’re the one that’s made out to be “confused” and a “bipolar abuser”.

They're balancing that scale all the time.

Being mean - then countering it with being nice.

In the end, it's all so you can't point a finger at them for destroying the relationship.

And to keep you around, of course.

When they’re done with you and they’ve secretly replaced you,

The countering with “nice” wil come to an end.