Holding On To a Narcissist To Heal Them

The worst idea you’ll ever have.

Sophia Bell On Medium
2 min readMar 16



There are people that stay with narcissists even after finding out they’re in the company of one.

They do the research, then sympathy overcomes them.

“They suffered a trauma and noone ever tried to help them, I won’t abandon them like everyone else.”

“No, I will love them back to health.”

So can it be done?

First off, let’s discuss keeping the narcissist.

Can that be done?

Narcissists suffer from NPD.

The root of this disorder is shame.

Narcissists battle that shame by obtaining supply.

Supply comes in the form of attention, validation and instant gratification.

They need a constant stream of it, to keep their shame at bay.

Not one person can supply a narcissist forever.

For these reasons:

  • When the narcissist gets used to your company, your supply gets old and boring and it fails to supply them.
  • When your infatuation turns to love, you stop treating them like God’s gift to humanity, but rather a person with flaws, just like the rest. You not believing in their perfection, is not the validation the narcissist wants. And so, you’ll fail to supply them.

Narcissists are wired by their NPD to put their need for supply ahead of anything and anyone else.

It’s to prevent them from being confronted with their shame.

NPD causes the narcissist to:

  • Be extremely self-centered.
  • Completely disregard you and your needs.
  • Not consider you at all, in anything they do.
  • Be incapable of emotionally attaching.
  • Never commit to anyone and be extremely disloyal.

You can't keep a narcissist, for those reasons.

They can't be kept, they need new supply.

They could stay with you in the relationship, but you'll inevitably be completely neglected and disregarded.

Because they lack grey matter in their left anterior insula, they don’t have empathy.

So they won’t care about how their behavior is affecting you.

Also, without empathy, it's impossible to love anyone.

Narcissists can't love their partners, parents, or kids.

The narcissist’s brain is neurologically divergent.

Their anterior insular cortex, frontal lobe and amygdala are fucked.

And that's the exact reason for why you can't heal them.

NPD is incurable.

Staying with a narcissist to keep or heal them, will be the most futile activity you’ll ever engage in.