Falling in and out of Love With a Narcissist

The process.

Sophia Bell On Medium
2 min readJun 3



A narcissistic relationship is not like any other romantic involvement.

It’s a sick and twisted dynamic.

People fall in and out of love with a narcissist for entirely different reasons than they would with a normal partner.

And then there’s the part where you start strongly disliking the narcissist, but feeling like you can’t leave.

Also, the decision to leave a narcissist is based on, generally, the same conclusion for everyone.

Here it is described:

What makes you fall in love:

  • The promises.
  • The devotion.
  • The shared ambitions.
  • The strong similarities.
  • The intense connection.
  • The firy passion.
  • The exceeded expectations.
  • The validation.
  • The unconditional commitment.
  • The desperate need for your surrender.

What makes you fall out of love:

  • The treachery.
  • The viciousness.
  • The disconnect.
  • The emotional abandonment.
  • The pain they can’t refrain themselves from inflicting on you, over and over again.

What makes you stay:

  • All the things you fell in love with.
  • A desperate and futile hope.
  • Ignorance.
  • Denial.
  • A trauma bond.

What makes you leave:

Coming to terms with the fact that you're chasing a dream and the narcissist will never change back to the person you met.

You fall in love with what you always wanted.

Narcissists give that to you and then take it back.

Keeping some people in that relationship for decades.

Trying to get back the greatest gift they ever got.

But that gift was a loan, you have to give it back.

So that it's passed on to others.

And you only get one turn.

What I described is how 99.99% of all narcissistic relationships develop.

If this resonates with you, know that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist.